It’s been two years. Two years since I’ve seen my Mom, Dad or sister. My sister who has always held the place of my first child in my heart. It’s been even longer for my brother and others in our family. Two years and it doesn’t get any easier…in fact it gets a little harder. A little harder as the sadness grows because they won’t fight for the truth. They seem to be content in the lies and deception of the world.
My heart longs to see them fight for the truth, fight for salvation. To see them dig in, seek Him with their whole heart and turn away from the world. My heart aches with longing to have my mom….a woman never gets to old to need her mom.
Being alone can sometimes be ……..lonely. We have, for the most part, been alone for the last 13 years and I’d be lying if I said it wouldn’t be nice to have people we could rely on and fellowship with…….in His truth. The last three years have been a different kind of alone but still alone as we began to follow Him in spirit and in truth. I’ve learned to stop getting my hopes up when people walk into our lives as we were mocked and figuratively spat upon by claimed “true saints” the last time. Most of the time, I can handle it but sometimes the loneliness does feel overwhelming and exhausting.
Sometimes the ache makes me wonder why we are doing all of this again. I wish we could just ignore the error and sin and have them in our lives. After all…family is life’s greatest blessing according to the world. Blood runs deeper than anything and family is always supposed to be together.
Every time I feel this way and I start to question the decision we made in following Him, He reminds me of His truth. This time through my husband. As I poured out my tears to him, he read…
Matthew 7:13-14″ Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.”
The word narrow really stood out as it’s translated to mean “afflict, narrow, throng, suffer tribulation, trouble.
Entering in the narrow gate is not guaranteed to be easy like modern “Christianity” promises. There are few people who are truly going to suffer the trials and tribulations that go with walking this path. Narrow doesn’t just mean that it’s a small opening/gate but that there is a pressing, a molding in a way that happens.
As I’ve begun reading through the Gospel of Matthew again I’ve been struck by the disciples and how they LEFT their families when Jesus called them.
Matthew 4:21-22 “And going on from thence, he saw other two brethren, James the son of Zebedee, and John his brother, in a ship with Zebedee their father, mending their nets; and he called them. And they immediately left the ship and their father, and followed him.”
“He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.” Matthew 10:37
No matter how much I love them or miss them or want them to see the truth, I can’t compromise on His truth in order to have them in my life. If I do so, I am not worthy of Him!!
Many places throughout the New testament we are told to separate from evil and not to fellowship with it. We are told to be holy and righteous. We are even told to call out sin so that we may save the sinner and/or others may fear.
“Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear.” — 1 Timothy 5:20
We have called out sin and separated in order that those we love would see the truth and then from error.
“And if any man obey not our word by this epistle, note that man, and have no company with him, that he may be ashamed.” — 2 Thessalonians 3:14
My heart is heavy with grief and sadness, missing those people terribly. I pray that one day I can share my precious little boy and even this newest little life growing inside me with them. I pray that one day we can celebrate another soul coming to Jesus and forsaking all that this world offers. For now…
1 Corinthians 13:4-10 “Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,.Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.”